FA Carling Premiership
Southampton 3 - 0 Leeds United
(Half-time: 1 - 0)
|« Portsmouth||Newcastle United »|
|Leeds||Martyn, Woodgate, Harte, Haaland, Radebe, Wetherall, Bowyer, Hopkin, Hasselbaink, Smith, Kewell||Ribeiro, Wijnhard, Halle, Knarvik, Robinson|
|Southampton||Jones, Hiley, Colleter, Lundekvam, Dodd, Le Tissier (Ripley 10 (Bridge 82)), Oakley, Hughes, Ostenstad, Beattie, Kachloul||Howells, Monk, Stensgaard|
|Southampton||Kachloul 31, Oakley 62, Ostenstad 86|
|Yellow Cards||Red Cards|
|Leeds||Haaland, Bowyer, Smith, Woodgate|
|Southampton||Lundekvam, Hughes, Dodd|
|Shirt numbers of goalscorers||?||?|
|Mike Sewell||3-0, Dashed Poor Show by the briney|
|Richard Naef||Saints game|
|The Observer||Super Saints power to glory|
|The Guardian||Downside to Jones' uplift|
|The Electronic Telegraph||Southampton raise hopes of survival|
|The Times||Kachloul achieves required level of passion|
|The Sunday Times||Cool Saints rock Leeds|
|Express Sport||Southampton vs Leeds|
|The Independent on Sunday||Downtrodden Saints rise again|
|The Independent||Kachloul's coolness fuels Saints' revival|
|Yorkshire Evening Post||Saints march over Leeds|
|Soccernet||Soccernet match report|
|Carlingnet||Carlingnet match report|
It has recently come to my notice that we have amongst our number a young fellow of genteel background who has been obliged to dissemble in order to curry favour with all the oiks. Now we gentlemen have to stick together in these democratic times, what? So I crave the indulgence of the rest of the jolly List if today I couch my missive in terms that a good chap such as Dickie 'Whacky' Walker may perchance understand. May I just say a big vote of thanks to our Reverend friend for bringing Whacky's true nature to the surface. One had been somewhat taken in by all that jolly old 'weal fans are awwight and don't orften beat their maters' mullarkey.
So, to cut to the chase, the best bally bit of the whole shebang was the tiffin beforehand at the hostelry so well chosen by the old beermonger, Guy 'Toper' Thornton. Splendid brew. Though one of our number did sadly blot the collective copy-book by drinking keggy froth that had just the same colour as what one of our old hunters passed when she was in foal. Just ask Whacko about that, he's a great one for the fillies. Oh and we met some Baltic chappy on the way who wanted to be asked about his silent sex life. Bit rum if you ask me. As me old matey might say, funny lot these foreign johnnies. I hinted that he ought to be sent home. And he had the cheek to say he was born in Swinn-ow, near the big game park as was where my great grandfather once bagged some Eland.
As to the afternoon's entertainment, well not much to say old beans. Little boys' room smaller than the ladies at the old public school and certainly fuller. Team full of oiks from the lower school, or so it seemed. They got rather roughed up by some beast called Hughes amongst others. Bad day at the office I'd call it if I had an office and not a mansion just like old Dicky. All the chaps were pretty awful. Not enough gentlemen in the team I'd say. Corporal Bowyer tried hard, but he does look a rough cove. Little Aussie chap ran around well, but his convict hairstyle just won't do, he'll want to play in stripes or arrows next. Small boy lost at the front along with his mentor. Saw a picture of the mentor wearing a ring in his ear not long ago, that won't do chaps, just bally won't do. Prefects should nab him and give him what for, don't you agree Reverend old thing? All the rest of them about as much use as a gelding at stud. Scotsman and Norwegian conspicuously up the proverbial creek without the proverbial paddle.
Whole damn shoot got so bad that the other half upped sticks and left before the curtain fell, so upset was she. Lots of muttering about not enough passion. Thought she meant me for a moment. And not a few profanities too. What is the world coming to, fairer sex being profane? They'll be giving them the vote next. Our congenial hosts kindly informed us that it was almost the time to be leaving. How nice. I thought only we chaps were so awfully nice to visitors.
Didn't look quite as bad on the next day's tele-vision (awful bastard word that, eh Whacko you cunning linguist? They should never mix Greek and Latin roots. Never did like mongrelisation myself, as we say in the Monday club). The jolly old goals seemed a touch fortuitous when really we were outplayed for the whole game. Still, we live to fight another day. And, as Richard 'posh' Walker might well say, "Well done you oiks from down south, jolly fine spirit. And anyway, its only a bally game. Better to compete nicely and lose than to win without style and all that." Such a Corinthian, such a Corinthian.
Bid of a bad show that frog complaining about one of our chaps supplementing his meagre earnings, don't you think. I'd given him a warm greeting in his own tongue a little earlier too. Well he'll be blackballed if he's ever up for membership at mine and Dickie's club. I am sure that the chap who gave his last coin to help an impoverished professional loves his old mother dearly and that he'd only ever make her sell her body if it helped LUFC. Great commitment to the cause and all that. Now I am sure that all those lily-livered pinko types will start droning on about how dreadful it all is, no place for him in our following, ought to be banned. Where's the blind loyalty of yesteryear? I'll tell you where, it disappeared when all those pinkos (in more ways than one) invented sexual intercourse in 1963 and has got worse since. They'll be wanting rid of apartheid next.
Pip pip, what ho?
Rough translation for the oiks, foreign-johnnies and sundry gals: We were poor, they tried hard and got some breaks. We missed a couple of early chances and might have had a penalty from one of Kewell's runs. One of those bad days when nothing goes right. Best to say they all had their off day together and hope that they get it out of their system quickly.
Crap. Bloody overpaid babies, unable to string two passes togther and beat a bunch of fairly talentless donkeys.
Leebowya - 7 cos he ran his little heart out.
Martyn - 0
Radebe - 0 2 useless bastards who having just pocketed a fortune of our money have the barefaced cheek to play like errrrr..? me actually.
O'Leary 0 Dave mate, you are allowed to put on substitutes when u are losing.
everyoneelse 1 For managing to get out of the bus.
Our Fans - fantastic for the first 10 minutes until we released we had somehow slipped back 2 years in time, then a bit subdued, confused & badly behaved.
Claire W. 10/10 The MOST pissed off person I have ever seen, past angry and livid, well into murderous/suicidal (Mike, have you checked?)
The excuses for my fairly lighthearted attitude are
a) I'd been able to voice my discontent
b) The display was SO bad as to be farcical
c) Unlike 96&97 this display is completely out of character
d) TetraHydroCanabinol & Scrumpy Jack
Their fans Pretty crap, but then they have a lot to put up with. However
they had the best chant of the day, which they must have been practicing...
"HasselWANK WANK WANK"
A reply of "Are you John Lee in disguise" would have been appropriate, although well obscure as the listers at the match were spread like so much teenage semen.
Anyway Bloody waste of £40, can't wait until Villa.
Copy from Football Unlimited of 31/01/1999.
So much for the form book. Beleaguered Southampton versus buoyant Leeds, it could only mean one thing. But David Jones's strugglers strolled to their most convincing win of the season.
Following two weeks of soul-searching in the aftermath of a debilitating 7-1 humiliation at Anfield, and with adversity increasing quicker than you could say Nationwide League, it was a sign of the gutsiness at The Dell that they dug in, kept their heads up, grafted, and dominated for long periods of the game.
© Guardian Media Group plc
Copy from Football Unlimited of 31/01/1999.
When David Jones gets the uplifting sensation of victory it is worth savouring, given the depth of his Southampton side's woes this season.
But his celebrations will have been tinged with disappointment following a further booking for Mark Hughes and a post-match demonstration by fans.
© Guardian Media Group plc