FA Carling Premiership Game 27: Saturday 28 February 1998 Leeds United 0 - 1 Southampton (Half-time: 0 - 0) Crowd: 28791 Referee: K W Burge (Tonypandy)
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vs Southampton - Nick Allen

The only Leeds players that I would say were not awful were: Harte, who was superb at LBack - tackling, heading, positioning, and some excellent distribution down the wing, which put Rod and Jimmy through a couple of times each. Himan: was good in the air, less confident on the deck but by no means bad, and generally steady - how skinny are his legs? : and Bruno in patches - the only one in our midfield capable of passing the bloody ball to another white shirt. He put the forwards through enough for us to be comfortable winners had they been up to taking the opportunities. And he had one run in the second half from half way, drifting around 2 or 3 tackles, followed by a long range chip that just drifted over the bar with the keeper stranded... but it wasn't to be.

The goal was bloody awful - it came back into the box, Nige came for it, didn't get it, Egil turned a defender,shot across the goal, and fatboy Hurst toe poked it over the line - He had hit the bar with the hardest header you'll ever see, in the first half.

As for Carlton - the only light relief of the day - he was shit, and he was a stupid bastard to make that reckless challenge on Harte when he was already on a yellow card - hope he gets in more trouble for what he was giving to the ref as he got sent off.

POINTS

MARTYN -4- not much to do - didn't do it
MAYBURY -5- lots of effort, running, overlapping and crossing - to little avail
HARTE -7- excellent - beats me why he isn't a regular
MOLENAAR -5- never really with it
HIMAN -6- good in the air - worried about how he'll cope with the physical side of the game.
HALLE -5- out of the game due to tactics, which aren't his fault - but a waste of a shirt, because FattMatt isn't the threat he was
HOPKIN -3- bloody awful - every forward move broke down around him, consistently failed to pass to his team, always playing passes behind the man, and little enthusiasm for the fight. Plus how can a 3.25m man fail to take half decent corners...
RIBEIRO -6- some touches of genius, good tackling - but is he really expected to be "our midfield" this year
HARRY -3- was shit - might as well not have turned out.
WALLACE -4- a little better, but only a little.
JIMMY -5- at least put himself about a bit, got some good crosses in from the by-line, but missed a golden chance with a header.

GG -1- for appalling tactics, at home, against that opposition.

Land of the Gods Calling - Da Rev

PS Palmer was dross, but he seemed almost average cos of the dross around him! He actually didn't look up for the game either, lolloping around like a freshly born giraffe, although he didn't have the ball control you'd expect from the giraffe!

View From Next To Voice - Dave Woolmer

Anyway, I took my seat in the MNES alongside the eager VoF. The most striking feature of the first 10 minutes was SexPests failure to even get near the ball. For the first 15 minutes (which was the only period we played decent football) GanglyArse was out of his depth.

Then the game descended into a mindless scrap, and thus Carlton emerged, a man in his element.

Notable LankyTwat contribution of the 1st half was an appalling headed clearance straight to Ribeiro on the edge of the area. Rather than hitting it first time, Bruno decided to take the piss out of Carlton by beating him. He then somewhat spoilt it with a crap dive.

Voice finally grew animated when his idol weas booked for a brutal, nasty and vicious hack on Halle. Screams of no way, and it was a 50/50 ball came forth, but the unpalatable truth of braindead clumsiness would not sink in.

Approving murmers and muted cheers from next to me every time Carlton touched the ball and it stayed on the pitch (which was about 55% of the time - a Carlton record).

At least in the first half you felt we were close to doing some good things - invariably through Bruno, who is our one shining light. The second half was a cold, miserable, pathetic excuse for a performance.

The fountain of knowledge beside me opined "it's got 0-0 written alll over it". Within a minute Nige came charging out for a ball he could never possibly get to, and the ball wound up in the net.

With Leeds looking incapable of scoring there was only going to be one possible source of joy in the snow. And sure enough the brainless oaf obliged.

Harte, a saintly innocent to Carlton's sick philanderer, collected the ball on the left and played a regulation ball up the left touchline. An age passed. Still we waited. Then from the side CartHorse steamed into him, nigh on dismembering him. Harte, wounded, collapsed to the truf, and the die was cast.

The ref, who had seemed an astute and wise man all afternoon, quite rightly reached for the pocket and the Deviant was off. A foul that merited a red card, custodial sentence and heavy fine in itself.

Apoplexy next to me. It was a truly wonderful sight. Truly words cannot describe...

Whenever I have a bad day at work now, I will simply close my eyes, and think of the disbelieving horror on the face next to me, as the donkey was put out to grass by wise Mr Burge. Maybe not better than sex, but certainly better than an obscene grope in The Square.

Whilst the rest of the MNES chuckled heartily and looked forward to us being crap against 10 men rather than 11, Voice looked a broken man.

Has the reality dawned, has Voice spotted that CartHorse is a clumsy prat who nearly cost his team the match.....?

Hirst hurts shamed Palmer - John Wilford

The Saints aren't the soft touch they used to be. Wins over Manchester United, Chelsea, Liverpool and Blackburn are testament to the new determination engendered by Dave Jones. They won here without too much fuss despite losing Carlton Palmer, dismissed for two offences - the first dissent, the second a foul.

George Graham's ambition to see Leeds finish in the top six is looking a shade ambitious. They may have to rely on the FA Cup to bring a smile to their season.

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