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As shocking as a foil-wrapped electric eel wearing a brace with a mains cable up it's arse.
On a day when we were left wondering whether the travelling Ipswich fans would have enough petrol to haul themselves up from Suffolk on their tractors, it was ironic that it was Leeds who had hardly anything left in the tank themselves.
Despite an early, well worked goal (which I just managed to see after missing the kick-off for the first time in quite a while, due to unfortunate circumstances i.e. hauling ass from the bar) Leeds seemed to more or less settle for that and apart from one or two spats, that was about as threatening as we ever got.
Our make-shift team forget how to control, pass and work and we saw Ipswich win fairly comfortably on the day, with a few thousand staying back to boo the team off the park - and whilst it's easy to point out that patience and consideration is required, it's also easy to understand the frustration of the crowd on a thoroughly depressing afternoon where there was -nothing- positive to glean from it. I almost chucked my sombrero in the bin. Almost.
Last seasons performances and team seem a light year away.
And if Bowyer gets sent down, whats the odds of the other 10 going down if we don't get some players back soon.
A bloody miserable afternoon.
Ipswich - another day spent glory-hunting, this time in the MNES, 2nd row from the front! Good view, although a stand full of corpses - aside from the odd groan it was like being sat in an exam! I'll never moan about the Kop's noise again!
In terms of really bad Leeds performances over the last 30 years, this would certainly make the Top 10! That bad! What O'Leary & Risible have done is nowt short of a disgrace. Never mind buying players for Yerp, we now need to buy simply to compete in the Premiership!!!
Is there a point to 'analysing' performances? Probably not, but I need to get some of the anger out of me, so here goes. Had we a replacement in every position then only Martyn & Dacourt would be in against Milan!
The defence - Kelly was awful - long ball after long ball! Mills won approx 2 headers all afternoon, and no tackles whatsoever - against Rivaldo I could maybe understand it, but Scowcroft, a 1st Div footballer at best! That said, Mills looked like Roberto Carlos compared with Duberry, who's starting to make Bremners purchase of Jack Ashurst look like the best signing we ever made. Duberry is the biggest sack of excrement I have EVER seen in a white shirt, and that includes Fat Frank! He simply can't play football!
Midfield - Dacourt looked the only decent outfield player we have. Bowyer's passing was absolutely crap - time and again his passes were intercepted or went straight to Ipswich players. As for McFRAIL - his passing was ABYSMAL, his tackling worse, and his contribution a big fat ZERO! Simply embarrasing!
Attack - bless him, Smithy tried and nearly bustled his way in, but he's never a Premiership forward in a million years. Bridges had one of those days where everything he did made him look bad - his touch was awful, his dribbling worse! Oh, then there was Forest - Mr one-dimensional!
Crowd - hearing Ipswich sing "2-1, to the football team" was a sobering experience! Thank Christ I haven't bought a Season Ticket, cos they arn't gonna spend that money on players! I paid a tenner on Satdi and felt ripped off!
Last Satdi we went to see Real Madrid 2 Valencia 1. Free programmes on the seat (take note Risible), drinks delivered to your seat, world class players who could pass a ball, beat players without hoofing it, and who could control a ball! It was a million miles away from Leeds Utd and a real education. Pray that we don't ever have to play Valencia, who were awesome - Mendieta is the best midfielder I've ever seen in my life! Respect to Tim Harper too - good choice of Sidreria after the game as well!
Atrocious. We'd have looked better with Nige, L'Boya and nine of our pub team. Ipswich are mediocre at best and we made them look like, well, Barcelona. Ferfksake, O'Leary, those people sitting on the bench next to you are SUBSTITUTES, you can put them on the pitch, you know? 4-3-3 DOES NOT WORK at this level, especially when one of the midfield 3 is a player whose only ability is allegedly passing, yet can't. Against Boro and Everton we actually had a third midfielder (Bakke or Jones). I'm off to get pissed, too depressing.
Petrol station queue: 25 minutes. More entertaining than the game
The scoreline has a familiar ring about it, especially against promoted teams.
70 mins gone...Ipswich lead 2-1, Leeds have run out of ideas, and their passing has gone all over the shop..
Eddie Gray : Boss ! Shall we bring Jonesey on for the last 20 and try and grab the midfield and play with a bit more width ?
Copy from Football Unlimited of 18/09/2000.
The first chinks in Leeds United's armour are turning into worrying holes. A season of rich promise is already failing to live up to expectations and, however harsh it may seem, David O'Leary is facing the sort of criticism that would have been unimaginable not so long ago.
O'Leary is discovering that once a team has raised its standards anything that falls below is perceived as failure. Rightly or wrongly, the man who brought Champions League football to Leeds is in danger of becoming a victim of his own success.
Their rickety efforts on Saturday were greeted with the most voluble level of dissent that O'Leary has experienced during his time in office and, judging by his finger-wagging tete-a-tete with a local journalist after the post-match news conference, there are signs he is becoming increasingly fractious.
Copy from The Independent of 17/09/2000.
Trouble piles upon trouble for Leeds, whose long list of injuries is emphasising that David O'Leary's squad is seriously lacking the substance to be regarded as genuine contenders. After the mauling he saw his patched-up side suffer in Spain in the Champions' League, the Irishman regarded three points yesterday as essential to morale with Milan due at Elland Road on Tuesday. Instead, Leeds lost at home to a Premiership newcomer for the second time this month.
Lee Bowyer's fourth-minute goal was quickly nullified by the opportunism of James Scowcroft, after which Ipswich grew in self-esteem, defending solidly and attacking with conviction against a Leeds side in which that quality is absent at present. The winning goal came from Jermaine Wright, only his second for the club, two minutes into the second half.
"We scored a good goal but after that we did not do enough and on the day we were beaten by the better side," O'Leary said. "To say we were weary would be unfair to Ipswich.''
Already ravaged by injuries, Leeds suffered another blow when the midfielder Stephen McPhail reported an Achilles tendon problem that is likely to keep him out of Tuesday's match. Leeds have asked for their striker Mark Viduka to be released from Olympic duty now that Australia cannot qualify for the second phase. However, O'Leary conceded: "It is out of our hands. In any case, it is asking a lot for him to travel that far and go straight into a Champions' League game.''
Leeds enjoyed just the start they had wanted, even if the benefit was short-lived. Fed by Olivier Dacourt, right back Gary Kelly made an unhampered advance into the Ipswich half and looked across to find a choice of targets in the centre. His pass found Lee Bowyer unmarked at 12 yards out and the midfielder's first-time side-footed shot beat Richard Wright easily.
Deprived now of Jason Wilcox and Lucas Radebe as well as their six other high-profile absentees, what David O'Leary wanted most was a solid, strong Premier League performance from his depleted side. What he did not need was Ipswich on level terms before there was chance to consolidate.
But Ipswich were as willing to accept a gift as Leeds, although their 12th-minute equalising goal was a matter of good fortune rather than any mistake on the home side's part. It happened when Hermann Hreidarsson made a complete hash of his attempt to hook Marcus Stewart's left-wing cross towards goal but in doing so set up the perfect chance at the far post for James Scowcroft, whose stooping header gave Nigel Martyn no chance.
Leeds made more opportunities before half-time as Ipswich worked hard to stay level. Darren Huckerby, who needs to make an impact while Harry Kewell and Viduka are not around, sailed through the Ipswich defence on a crisp one-two with Michael Bridges, but could not test Richard Wright. Then Bridges, given a clear sight of goal when Bowyer's diagonal pass beat John McGreal, wasted the chance with a snatched shot.
Ipswich defended acceptably well, young Titus Bramble, their promising England under-21, learning from the experience passed on by McGreal alongside him. Indeed, the visitors might have stolen a half-time advantage when Michael Duberry failed to pick up Stewart's run, whose header from a McGreal cross ought to have found the Leeds net.
This highlighted the vulnerability of a defence shorn of Jonathan Woodgate as well as Radebe in which Danny Mills, normally a wing back, operated alongside Duberry in the middle. It was a weakness from which Ipswich were quickly to profit in the second half. With Mills drawn out of position, Jermaine Wright made a run from the left towards goal, swapped passes with Stewart to go past Stephen McPhail and then slid the ball beyond Martyn's reach.
With so many key players missing Leeds deserved some sympathy. It is beholden on the money men now to strengthen O'Leary's squad, otherwise a season that promised more of the same after last year's excitement might turn into a miserable anti-climax.
Copy from Football Unlimited of 17/09/2000.
For the past 12 months David O'Leary has been modestly trying to convince the football world he is a naive young manager. Events of September are beginning to prove him right.
Home losses to newly- promoted Manchester City and Ipswich, a goalless draw at Coventry and the midweek humiliation in Barcelona have left the Leeds support increasingly vocal in their dissatisfaction.
A cruel injury list has certainly hamstrung O'Leary in the new season, but his critics will point to a summer of relative inactivity in the transfer market, despite considerable funds being at his disposal, as being at the root of their current travails.
Copy from SportLive of 16/09/2000.
SportLive is no longer operational. Should it return to the web, this report will be removed and the link restored.
David O'Leary must have thought things could not get any worse for his Leeds side after their midweek nightmare in the Nou Camp. He was wrong.
Leeds slumped to their second successive home defeat to provoke the first signs of unrest among the Elland Road faithful.
Many fans had left the stadium long before the end but those that stayed gave their verdict of a dismal display with boos and jeers at the final whistle.
This was no Leeds hard luck story, however. Ipswich were well worth their first away victory in the top flight this season and, following a home draw with Manchester United, this result shows they do not intend to be overawed by the big guns.
Not that Leeds had any ammunition to worry Ipswich with. Despite Lee Bowyer giving them a fourth-minute lead, Leeds showed little fight or spirit and the way they played will have worried O'Leary as much as the result.
In their defence, Leeds had eight players out through injury but there did not appear to be any great collective will to bounce back from the 4-0 drubbing by Barcelona.
Even at this early stage of the season, O'Leary may have to consider a move into the transfer market to give his depleted squad a lift.
Ipswich boss George Burley's gamble to drop David Johnson - his side's leading scorer for the last three seasons - paid off with the recalled Marcus Stewart creating both goals, the first for Jamie Scowcroft and the second for Jermaine Wright.
The East Anglians never looked fazed after Bowyer's goal which should have given Leeds the lift they needed.
Gary Kelly provided a low cross from the right and Bowyer moved in unmarked to sidefoot home.
But Bowyer's third strike of the season failed to instill any confidence in O'Leary's team and it was no surprise when Ipswich equalised eight minutes later.
Stewart crossed from the left, Herman Hreidarsson missed with a volley but Scowcroft was on hand to head home his first goal of the season.
From then on, Ipswich held the initiative with their neat, passing game in contrast to the home side's attempts to piece their game together.
Michael Bridges wasted Leeds' other chances in the first half, firing straight at goalkeeper Richard Wright after Bowyer had sent him clear, and then curling a long-range effort well over.
Ipswich should have had a second goal six minutes before the break when John McGreal's cross from the right found Stewart unmarked at the far post but the striker headed wide.
But two minutes into the second half Ipswich went ahead with a goal that underlined the quality of their play. Wright played a one-two with Stewart before scoring with a neat left-foot finish.
After that it was more a case of Ipswich looking for a third, rather than Leeds pressing for an equaliser. Jamie Clapham went close with a header, while the home fans vented their frustration on the out-of-form Bridges after his tame effort went straight to Wright.
Imagine taking a battering from Mike Tyson, being floored in sparring by some local chancers, then having to drag your aching body into the ring to face Lennox Lewis.
That is about the size of the task facing Leeds on Tuesday when they face AC Milan in the Champions League.
"It is definitely a worry," said David O'Leary after his side followed up their drubbing in Barcelona with defeat against the team who are favourites for the drop.
"We have nobody coming back from injury, have just lost another player in Stephen McPhail and we are playing AC Milan. I have seen them play and they have some unbelievable players."
Indeed, after seeing Jamie Scowcroft and Jermaine Wright pierce his defence with ease, O'Leary must be fearing the prospect of watching them face Bierhoff and Shevchenko.
But O'Leary added: "When we got into the Champions League we knew what it was about. We knew we were going to Barcelona and then playing Ipswich, and I am disappointed to lose this because we had enough good players to win it."
O'Leary believes he will have to step into the transfer market for Leeds to be able to compete with the very best on the European stage.
"To make that big step up we must add quality players," he said. "We know some of the players we want, but we cannot get them. There are bigger clubs than us looking for people and they cannot get them. "Some of the players we want we will have to pay over the odds for, but we have not got the financial clout of a club like Barcelona."
Leeds made the perfect start, with Lee Bowyer giving them a fourth-minute lead, but were jeered off the pitch by home fans at the end.
Ipswich boss George Burley said: "To win after going one down so early shows great character and endeavour."
Copy from Yorkshire Evening Post of 18/09/2000.
THE notion that Leeds may have easy Premiership pickings before the squeezed big fixtures against Manchester United, Liverpool, Chelsea and Arsenal kick-in lie in tatters after this second consecutive home defeat against big-league rookies.
Manchester City came to Elland Road and looted David O'Leary's Champions League competitors and Ipswich followed their lead with the same exploitative tactic of strangling a struggling midfield.
A chorus of boos greeted the final whistle as Leeds plunged to a third defeat in four games but, really, there could not have been a better time for Ipswich to visit injury-ravaged United and they made hay from the situation with an accomplished display.
With Lucas Radebe, David Batty, Harry Kewell, Jonathan Woodgate, Jason Wilcox, Eirik Bakke and Dominic Matteo all sidelined, and Mark Viduka away on an unsuccessful Sydney Olympics exercise, Leeds may not have been expected to fire on all cylinders against an eager outfit with survival their main agenda and scrapping for every point.
The fans' reaction, harsh though it was, was viewed by O'Leary with equanimity.
"They've been booed off before and they might be booed off a bit more," he said. "We deserved to get beat, so I have no excuse. Crowds come in, they pay their money and if you don't perform they are entitled to express their feelings."
Ipswich manager George Burley had no such worries and commented: "I know Leeds have several players missing, but they still had a very strong team out there and to come to Elland Road and get a result like this is very pleasing."
What made the pill so bitter to swallow for a United side in desperate need of a tonic was that they had been off to a flier with a goal in the fourth minute, when Dacourt found stand-in captain Kelly in oceans of room on the right and his cross into the area was met first time by Lee Bowyer's flick into the far corner.
Huckerby then did some good work on the left, linking with Bridges for a one-two before sidefooting into the arms of Richard Wright.
But when Bridges was held back by Bramble after 10 minutes United were unable to capitalise from a promising position and Ipswich immediately launched their first real attack, finding the equaliser.
Marcus Stewart miscued his shot but it bounced right into the path of James Scowcroft, whose far-post header spun into the net.
From there on in Ipswich, with a single Premiership victory to their name since their promotion through the play-offs, constantly gave Leeds plenty to think about.
The home side tried to find their rhythm but when Bowyer capitalised on a mistake by Stewart, Bridges snatched at a fine chance.
Then McPhail's measured pass found Harte wide on the left, but his cross was too close to Wright, before within seconds of being booked for persistent trips, Hreidarsson popped up on his goalline to deny Duberry a full-blooded header from Smith's fine cross.
Six minutes before the break Stewart had the goal at his mercy from McGreal's pinpoint cross, but his header went well wide the United defence berating each other for failing to pick him up.
Within two minutes of the restart the East Anglians were in front, Stewart meeting only minimal resistance as he strode into the box and set up Jermaine Wright to slot left-footed past Martyn.
Then a Stewart snapshot was held by Martyn as Ipswich built the confidence which had deserted Leeds.
Bramble strode through the middle and things were opening up for him until Duberry nipped in smartly.
A Mills booking in the 52nd minute added to United's woes and it was difficult to see where the breaks were going to come.
Huckerby won a corner on the right but Bowyer's flag kick was ushered clear by Magilton and when Bridges contrived a similar dead-ball situation Smith's header from Bowyer's delivery flashed wide.
Wright, encouraged by his goal, had another pop on 65 minutes, but Martyn saved at a stretch and at the other end Smith was high and wide from 20 yards.
Huckerby wriggled between McGreal and Bramble to get in a toe-poked shot on 67 minutes, but it was straight at Wright and when McGreal hacked Huckerby down three minutes later Bowyer's free-kick eluded everyone.
Dacourt's distribution was way off-beam and he ruined another promising situation when asking far too much of Bridges out on the right. Then Bridges manufactured a chance for Smith, whose first-time shot from the edge of the box was safely gathered by Wright.
Leeds were looking a sorry bunch and the crowd let their feelings be known when Bridges shot tamely at Wright with eight minutes left.
Holland nearly made it three a minute later, powering in a header from Wright's cross only for Martyn to save at full stretch.
Smith had a half chance in the 87th minute but a monumental tackle from Bramble decisively won the argument.
The casualties have been counted out one by one. The counting back in of them is a process eagerly awaited by everybody at Elland Road.
Nigel Martyn: Saved further blushes 7
Gary Kelly: Left exposed 6
Danny Mills: Stuck tight 7
Michael Duberry: Strong presence 7
Ian Harte: Left isolated 6
Lee Bowyer: Powerful running 8
Olivier Dacourt: Poor distribution 6
Stephen McPhail: Below par 6
Alan Smith: Every effort 7
Michael Bridges: Not firing 6
Darren Huckerby: Lacking confidence 6
Not used: Robinson, Hay, Jones, Burns, Hackworth
Richard Wright: Not tested enough 7
Fabien Wilnis: Hard to beat 7
Titus Bramble: Towering inferno 8
John McGreal: Stout defending 7
Hermann Hreidarsson: Tough competitor 7
Matt Holland: Inventive 7
Jim Magilton: Good creations 7
Jamie Clapham: Constant pain 7
Jermaine Wright: Young lion 7
James Scowcroft: Quick-thinking 7
Marcus Stewart: Pensive 6
Not used: Johnson, Salmon, Scales, Croft, Reuser
REFEREE: M Halsey (Welwyn Garden City)
BOOKINGS:Mills (Leeds); Hreidarsson, Wilnis, McGreal (Ipswich)